Meet my new personal trainer.

That's right, ladies and gentleman. I give you Lorelei Gilmore.

Every day Gilmore Girls comes on ABC Family at 4:00. Every day I DVR it, and watch it. One hour of my life. Every day. Because I love that show, OK?
Every day, at the same exact time, All Star Workouts comes on the Fit Network. And most of the time, the trainers are really annoying to listen to, because they're always barking orders at you, like, "Keep on moving! Push through the pain!" and that kind of thing.
I would also like to note that generally, if you're watching a show you like, it will distract you from all the hard work you're doing. I also recently read that if you really want to lose weight, you realistically have to workout an hour a day. None of this 30 minute nonsense.
So, my new plan (and I've already been successful, I might add) is to workout every day for an hour while I watch Gilmore Girls. I just put the workout on the tiny square on the TV so I don't have to listen to the trainers, and before I know it, my workout is over. Fantastic! I love the Gilmore Girls Workout.

Isn't it one of the WORST feelings ever when

you're bored and restless, but you're also incredibly lazy? At the same time.

Luckily, I found an absolutely hysterical website, which I highly recommend.
Go here. And enjoy the awkwardness.

Meanwhile, on the Russell Boob Tube:
1. It's official. We're fully hooked on Big Love. I mean, I knew polygamy was fascinating, but I never knew it could be so entertaining. Thank you, HBO. Thank you.

2. Just getting around to watching Top Chef Masters on the DVR. We already love Top Chef, so this is sure to be great. Even though Nathan has already pointed out that the girl is no Padma.

3. Tomorrow night, my absolute favorite show of the summer, So You Think You Can Dance continues, and THIS TIME I hope we don't have any thunderstorms with tornadoes that cause the local weather people to preempt the programming like last week. Seriously. Even if they are giving us "important safety information." Can it, chatty weathermen! Thirty-five minutes is too long to carry on showing us maps of threatening storm patterns. Give us the five minute alert, and then stick to the ticker. I'm only half-joking about this one.

Velveeta Shellac & Cheese

Last night I made 43 servings of Velveeta Shells & Cheese.

You're probably wondering, What would possess you to do such a thing? I guess the problem here is that I love kids, and would do just about anything for them. Let me explain.

One, I agreed to teach/organize a Reading and Writing Camp at school from 8-12 every day for two weeks. Read: Postpone glorious summer vacation which every other red-blooded American teacher is already basking in.
Oh yeah, I ended that sentence with a preposition. That's how confused I am at my own decision to teach and organize this camp. I must seriously like kids.
We're even calling it "Star Camp" because that sounds far more enticing than Reading and Writing Camp.

Two, the camp feeds the kids breakfast and lunch. Which is yet another sneaky way to entice them to participate. Food! This also works for adults, now that I think about it.

Three, for the first day of camp, we didn't know how many kids to expect.

Four, we're on a fairly tight budget and we're not allowed to order pizza. Damn legislation.

Five, I expected another teacher to be there helping me, but she won't be here until Wednesday. Which means I can't leave the kids to either make lunch, or go pick up lunch.

So last night, in my own kitchen, I made 43 servings of Velveeta Shells & Cheese. Sure, it took about an hour start to finish, but it was great. It was going to be great. Then I refrigerated two gigantic tubs of the stuff, and it was ready to go in the morning. Right? Wrong.

How long would you say it would take to microwave two gigantic tubs of Velveeta Shells & Cheese? Ten minutes? Twenty? The answer is none. It's not possible. I tried for 45 minutes to reheat the stuff (alternating heating one tub and ice-picking away at the other) and it finally came up to room temperature. In the end, I had to scoop out solidified bits onto paper plates and heat them two at a time. Then, a few students helped to deliver them to the cafeteria where I tend to think they were NOT well received. OK, I never got to see the reactions of the students, because by the time I was done, all but two or three students had already left.

In the end, we served all of ONE of the tubs. I would like to add that when I threw out the remaining Shells & Cheese, it made this terrible sucking sound as it came out of the bowl, and looked like a Velveeta Shells & Cheese jello mold in the trash. Make that Shellac & Cheese jello mold. Tasty.

Tomorrow, we're picking up two deli trays with sandwiches from HEB. They've already been ordered.

If that Shellac & Cheese keeps any kids from coming back tomorrow, I'm personally going to call them and tell them all about the HEB deli tray.

Way #32 that You Know You're Getting Old

Taking a "Sick" Day means you're actually sick.

I'm not exactly sure why

I left those last ten Golden Grahams in the box for my next cereal experience.

Why didn't I just finish them off the last time? Because that teeny little bowl of cereal was only a tease.

Vacation,

all I ever wanted.

This Thursday, we fly to Salt Lake to see Nathan's family and go camp and hike in the Slot Canyons in Utah. Normally, hiking and camping might not sound that appealing. But, Nathan's parents have this great, tricked-out camper, and we make food in the mini-kitchen that is equivalent to the Food Network in goodness. My kind of "roughing it."

I just saw a Facebook ad that said

"Netflix for books."
Netflix for...? For books?

Uh... I thought that was called the library.

At first I was worried when I heard they were making Where the Wild Things Are into a movie.

Because it could turn out to be another disaster like "Cat in the Hat." You know how it feels when Hollywood takes a classic picture book from your childhood and cranks it out as a real schlockter. Hurts the heart a little.

Then I heard that Spike Jonze was directing it. OK. I started to get hopeful again. This could be... potentially... great.

THEN, I saw this trailer, and along with the musical magic of the Arcade Fire, I got a little teary-eyed.



Are you as excited as I am?

THIS JUST IN: Dave Eggers co-wrote the screenplay, and Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs collaborated on the soundtrack. Now I'm officially giddy with anticipation.

Don't you hate it when

you have an absolutely fabulous morning at work, followed by a real crap afternoon, and then, all you can remember about your whole day is the bad part?

That just happened to me, and I, of course, told Nathan all the gory details about the oogy part, and then like 2 HOURS LATER I remembered this amazing thing that happened in the morning that I forgot all about.

Seriously. It was such a big deal that I had to pause 24 just so I could say something about it.


In other news, we had pigs-in-a-blanket and potato skins with shandies for dinner. For the second night in a row.
I'm pretty sure we go back to P90X tomorrow, and something tells me shandies aren't in the diet. Since probably beer and lemonade BOTH count as carbs. In the meantime, I might need a refill.

Is it weird that I'm excited

about my new Ped Egg?